My Co-Worker. Alright, so I work with this girl named Britney. Britney is fond of a particular silver clip, which she uses to clasp together some of her work. Well one of my co-workers thought it’d be real funny to hide Britney’s clip from her.
“This isn’t funny,” Britney began to fume upon realizing that her clip was missing. “Whoever took my clip is gonna pay.” She then turned to me: “Where’s my clip, Don?” “I dunno where your clip is.” “Give it back.” “I didn’t take your clip.” “But you know who took it.” “I don’t know who took it.” “You think this is funny, don’t you?” “No, I don’t—” “I know you’re lying.” “Don’t accuse me of something I didn’t do!” “Just give it back.” “I didn’t take your clip.”
My Other Co-Worker. Okay, I work with this other woman named Laura. If I had to guess, I’d say Laura’s the one who took Britney’s clip, as she seems to have something against Britney and delights in making her mad. Also, I’ve seen her hide things from Britney in the past. Anyway, one of my sources told me that after Britney accused me of taking her clip, she went to Laura and asked if she knew of the clip’s whereabouts. And what did Laura say? “I think Don took it.”
Another Co-Worker. So there’s another woman I work with, Vicky. Now she’s a really nice person, but a bad judge of character. For some reason, she always believes whatever Britney says to her. So later in the afternoon, Vicky came up to me and asked that I give the clip back to Britney. “Vicky, I didn’t take it.” “I know you’re lying.” “I’m not lying!” “I can tell ’cause you have that smirk on your face.” “What smirk?” “You always get this smirk when you’re lying.” “I’m not lying.” “Just give it back to her, Don.”
Another Britney Story. When I arrived at work on Friday, I saw that Britney had put herself down for the 2:00 lunch. Which meant that David and I had to go to lunch at noon and 1:00. Now everyone at my work likes to go to lunch at 2:00 and everyone knows this about everyone. Now I had taken the noon lunch on Monday and Thursday and David had taken it on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Well David, never one to beat around the bush, told Britney that she wasn’t being fair, that both he and I had taken the noon lunch every other day that week and it was only right that she take it at least one day. And what do you think Britney’s response was? “David, leave me alone! I wrote my name down first!”
Summary. Now it doesn’t really hurt my feelings when a co-worker accuses me of stealing a clip. And I don’t really care if I get stuck with the noon lunch three days a week. Nevertheless, it’s really draining to spend forty hours a week with such petty and selfish people.
The moral of the story: I need a new job! Like NOW!!!