August 13, 2006

So I intercepted this email message from God…

The other day, I received the below email prayer request, which was sent out to me and about twenty other HollywoodJesus.com contributors.


The Prayer Request

Hi everyone, I didn't get many requests, so please be sure to send yours in when you get a chance. I know we can all use prayers in some area of our lives. Here's our first one from Ed Travis: (for now, I have to retype the info because yahoo doesn't let me cut and paste - aargh!!)Ed just bought a new condo (his first!!) and it needs a lot of renovation before he can move in this month. But, he's also exhausted every day after work. Please pray:1. For Ed to have extra energy to work on the condo, and restful sleep at night.2. That every last thing will be completed by his scheduled move-in date.3. That people in his life or church would volunteer to help. 4. That some of the stress of his work load would be relieved. 5. That Ed would have an opportunity to share about Christ with one person (or establish a long term relationship) during the work phase of this project.Thanks everyone!!Mel


God’s Response

Interestingly, shortly after I received the above email, I accidentally intercepted God’s response. As I’m sure you’ll agree, it is rather eye-opening.

Dear Moron,

Thank you so much for thinking of Me. As you know, I like it when you talk to Me, even if you’re just making demands.

Anyway, I got a question for you. Have you looked around lately? Opened the newspaper, stuck your head out the window? You see, the world’s a shithole. All sorts of evil stuff is going down. We’ve got a bunch imperialists in the White House, a slew of dead Lebanese children. Women are being diagnosed with breast cancer, people are starving to death in third world countries. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

And you’re praying for a good night’s sleep? You’re asking Me to help you not be so stressed about your new condo? You want Me to touch the hearts of your fellow churchgoers so they’ll help you move?

Do I care about the little things? Well, yeah, sure I do. But the big things kind of take precedence. And I’ll be honest with you, it kind of pisses Me off when you pray for all this trifling crap when your fellow humans are suffering and dying.

So the next time you pray for something or ask people for prayer, try not to be such a jerk.

See ya on the flip side.

Love,

God

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