A Fetus Confronts His/Her Parents.
Dear Mommy and Daddy,
I am your soon-to-be-born son or daughter. Not yet sure which one it is. Kind of cramped in here, y’know? And every time I lean forward to grab a look, this damn umbilical cord gets in my way.
Anyway, before I pop on out, I wanted to clear up a few things. First, we’re Evangelical Christians, right? And as I understand it, this means, among other things, that we have a penchant for sweater vests and really horrible music. Right? And this also means that we’re against abortion. Because abortion is killing an innocent human being and killing innocent human beings is wrong. Right?
Okay, fair enough. But there’s something that I just don’t get. Why don’t you care about other innocent human beings? For example, all those poor Muslims living overseas. Do you realize, Mommy and Daddy, that the Iraq War has killed more than one million people? And do you realize that coalition bombs continue falling on civilians in Afghanistan? And do you realize that US strikes continue killing civilians in Pakistan?
This troubles me, Mommy and Daddy. Now I know what you’re thinking: I’m just a fetus, what do I know? And on a certain level, I guess you’re right. I mean, for crying out loud, I’ve never even seen my own sex organs. But, for the life of me, I just don’t understand why you’re so upset that John McCain, undoubtedly the most militaristic and warmongering presidential candidate in recent memory, lost the election.
And don’t give me that BS about these wars being somehow justified, about us fighting them over there so we don’t have to fight them over here. Come on, Mommy and Daddy, don’t you know that al Qaeda only attacked us in the first place because we were already attacking them—imposing cruel sanctions on the Iraqi people, supporting one Muslim-oppressing dictator after another, turning a blind eye to the Israeli government’s repression of the Palestinians?
Now I know what you’re thinking: But McCain was pro-life, he cared about the unborn, blah blah blah. Well all I can say in response is, wake up! Seriously, Mommy and Dady, I’m only in my second trimester and I could see through McCain’s lies. He defended Roe v. Wade when wooing independents; he slammed Roe v. Wade when wooing conservatives. He’s just another politician, Mommy and Daddy. In other words, he’s a liar.
But I’m getting off track. The point is that all life is precious. When Jesus said, “Love your neighbor,” he didn’t just mean the neighbor living inside your neighbor’s uterus. He meant all your neighbors. Even if they have a different skin color or speak a different language. Even if they hold to a different religion. Even if they live on the other side of the world.
So in conclusion, Mommy and Daddy, please get a clue. Please get the planks out of your own eyes and start practicing what you preach. And I know this might sound disrespectful, I know I shouldn’t talk to you this way. But it’s not like you guys are going to abort me. Right?
Your loving “it”
SPOOF ON THE MOTHER OF TERRORISM
4 hours ago