December 24, 2009

A Christmas Message to Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris, who has recently become a superstar in the conservative movement—and I know what you’re thinking: “Chuck Norris? The old guy who can’t act? Superstar in the conservative movement? What does he know about politics?”—and the answer, of course, is almost nothing—Chuck Norris knows almost nothing about politics—but don’t be so surprised that he’s now a spokesman for a major political movement—after all, we’re living in a democracy—government of the plebs, by the plebs, for the plebs—and who do the plebs admire more than Walker, Texas Ranger? Anyway, where was I going with all this?

Oh, that’s right. Chuck Norris, conservative superstar, began his latest column at Human Events:

I'm willing to bet that President Barack Obama's Christmas address this week will shine with a religious significance that's about as bright as what was in his unusually short Thanksgiving proclamation, which gave a token reference to God via a quote from George Washington.

Even in the Obamas' superstar Christmas interviews with Oprah Winfrey and Gloria Estefan, there were discussions about Santa Claus, Christmas trees, ornaments, gingerbread houses and even their dog's Christmas stocking. Obama even gave a Christmas shout-out to all Hispanics. But there was not one mention of religion or a hint of the real reason for the season.

Chuckie goes on to show how past presidents, even past Democratic presidents, have “stood up for America's Judeo-Christian heritage and the true meaning of Christmas.” In December 1963, for example, LBJ told the nation:

We were taught by him whose birth we commemorate that after death, there is life. ... In these last 200 years, we have guided the building of our nation and our society by those principles and precepts brought to earth nearly 2,000 years ago on that first Christmas.

Norris proceeds to show that even Bill Clinton—yes, even Bill Clinton—even philandering, semi-automatic-firearms-banning Bill Clinton—spoke reverently of Jesus. He then laments:

Unlike all preceding presidents, President Obama has denied America's rich Judeo-Christian heritage before the eyes and ears of other countries, as he publicly declared in Turkey on April 6 for the whole world to hear: "We do not consider ourselves a Christian nation."

Now Norris’ comments illustrate what’s wrong with so many American Christians today. Simply put, these people are fricking idiots. Now don’t get me wrong here. I’m not saying all Christians are idiots. I’m not even saying most. I’m saying that many Christians—certainly most that I know—are stupid fricking idiots.

Because only a stupid fricking idiot would judge a politician by his words and not his actions. Chuckie and all his little Chuckites (many of whom I’m related to) spent eight years believing that George W. Bush was one of them. And why did they believe this? Well because W. said he was one of them. And that’s it, that’s all it took to fool millions of Evangelicals.

Of course, if they would have examined Bush’s record, they would have realized that he was essentially no different than Bill Clinton. Take his record on abortion, for instance. Although Bush said that he wanted to end abortion, during his eight years in office, he:

  • Forced taxpayers to fund abortion by repeatedly signing Health and Human Services appropriations bills into law. These appropriations bills funded “selected surgical abortions, chemical abortions, and the nations largest chain of abortion centers and perpetrators of abortion in America, namely, Planned Parenthood.”
  • Gave tax money to various pro-abortion foreign aid groups.
  • Repeatedly campaigned for pro-abortion political candidates.
  • Appointed a Supreme Court Justice with a decidedly pro-abortion voting record.
  • Appointed a Supreme Court Chief Justice who had formerly made it clear that he had no intention of overturning Roe v. Wade.

And yet Bush, who seemed to delight in talking the Christian talk, even as he was lying the nation into an immoral and unnecessary war, even as he was allowing defenseless men to be tortured, said that he was against abortion, and that’s all it took to win the undying support of Walker, Texas Plebian and all his pleb followers.

Now by no means am I defending Barack Obama. You couldn’t pay me enough to defend that baby-killing sociopath. I’m merely making the point that, just as Jesus instructed, we ought to judge people, not by their words, but by their fruit. And none of these politicians bear good fruit. Sure, some of them talk the Jesus Talk. So do some car salesmen. But so what?

2 comments:

Michael E. Lawrence said...

Quite true. One might add to this list Ron Paul's efforts to propose a bill that would have taken abortion out of the jurisdiction of the Supreme Court under Article III, Section 2 of the Constitution. (But what do constitutions really mean, practically?) He couldn't even get this bill out of committee at a time when the Republikrats ran both houses of congress and the White House. It is more than just rank and file Christians who are fooled by the pro-life talk of politicians; even religious leaders are clueless that they're getting played. The damage, of course, is taking place in the congregations.

Don Emmerich said...

This is an excellent point.

Ron Paul is one of the only people in Congress who has actually tried to reduce the number of abortions. But almost nobody in the mainstream Evangelical movement acknowledges this; almost nobody will give him the time of day. One of the only people in Congress who genuinely cares about protecting innocent life, and the "pro-life" movement won't give him the time of day.