An open letter to my liberal friends.
Ten months into his presidency and you’re finally starting to get it: He’s not one of us. Barack Obama is not one of us. Yes, it turns out that all that Hope and Change talk was just a ploy to get us to vote for him. It turns out that there is no Hope, there is no Change, just a new sociopath in the White House.
Now I’ll be honest, he fooled me too. For a short time last year, I too supported the guy. What can I say, I was young, I was dumb, I was influenced by this Justin Raimondo column. And I really thought—I hate to admit this—but I really thought that the guy meant at least some of what he said.
Of course, it didn’t take me long to see the light. I did a little research and by early April I felt like a total douche for having given fifty bucks to his campaign. Yes, another confession—I gave $50 to Barack Obama’s campaign last year! God have mercy.
But you liberals, not all of you, but most of you—what the hell? Seriously, it took you all this time to realize that the guy’s essentially no different than George W. Bush? All this time to realize that he was just putting you on?
Of course, some of you still aren’t aboard. Some of you are still twitterpated, believing that the war in Afghanistan is humane, that, by occupying the country and propping up Karzai and his warlord buddies, we’re actually doing the people a service. Ha! And I suppose you all still believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy, am I right?
Anyway—and I’m now addressing those of you who’ve repented of your naïveté—welcome back, it’s so good to see you again. You know, I’ve thought about you a lot over the past year, I’ve missed our all-night rants about Bush and Cheney. Man, those were good times. And now you’re back. Thank God you’re back! So have a seat, get yourself something to drink.
And please tell me you’ve learned your lesson. Please tell me you’ve grasped the moral of this story. And no, the moral is not that Barack Obama is an evil warmongering son of a bitch. Of course, that’s all true. Repeat after me, will you? It’ll make you feel better. Barack Obama. Is an evil. Warmongering. Son of a bitch. Feels good, huh?
But that’s not the moral of the story. The moral is that they’re all evil warmongering sons of bitches. The moral is that the system is corrupt, that American democracy is an irredeemable failure. So don’t go looking for another politician to rally behind. There was never a Mr. Smith and he never went to Washington. There are only evil warmongering sons of bitches.
But don’t be discouraged. I’m not saying there’s no hope. I’m not saying there won’t ever be change. I’m just saying it’s not going to come from one of them.
SciFi Weekend: Doctor Who, Hugo and Emmy Awards; Tony Soprano’s Fate; Next Season on Arrow and Fargo; Finales of Falling Skies, True Blood, Defiance, and The Last Ship; Karen Gillian’s Hair; Rebooting Fox Genre Shows; Libby Masters vs. Betty Draper; American Gods; Jennifer Lawrence, and much more
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