For some time now, I’ve been arguing that Barack Obama might as well be a Republican. Yes, I know there’s a D after his name, but he governs like a Republican. In fact, had George W. Bush stayed in office, I imagine things would be almost exactly the same as they are now.
But amazingly—well, maybe not amazingly—I guess I should say predictably—predictably—disturbingly—sadly—nauseatingly—Republicans refuse to accept him as one of their own. They continue seething with rage over his “radical leftist policies,” his “coddling of terrorists,” his “disdain for Israel,” etc., etc.
I visited my grandparents the other day, and, as usual, my grandpa was watching Fox News. Also as usual, whenever Obama’s picture came onto the screen, my grandpa would start shaking his head and muttering, usually saying something like, “Goddamn Muslim.”
At one point, he asked what I thought about Obama. He always does this, not just about Obama but about lots of things. It’s always a test. If I pass, he’ll tell me how glad he is that I’ve reached that conclusion. If I don’t pass, he’ll shake his head and tell me that I’m a liberal (in his world, the worse thing one can be) and that now he knows everything he needs to know about my character.
Anyway, I told him that I didn’t like Obama. He nodded his head, expressed his happiness. (I wasn’t a liberal. Whew.) But then, thinking I might be able to teach him something—because, no matter how old we get, we never stop believing that we might be able to teach our elders something—I told him that I disliked Obama for the same reason I disliked Bush.
“Two sides to the same coin,” I said, or something like that. My grandpa shook his head, brushed me away with his hand, uttered something I couldn’t quite make out. I hope it wasn’t worse than “liberal.” Wait, what am I thinking? There is nothing worse than “liberal.”
Now I imagine some of you reading this might be like my grandpa. You appreciate my anti-Obama tirades but think I’m a total dipshit whenever I attack the Republicans. Also like my grandpa, I imagine many of you just don’t believe me when I say that Obama governs like a Republican. After all, your trusted conservative writers, those geniuses who grace the pages of Townhall.com and Human Events, tell you that Obama’s nothing more than a raging left-winged piece of scum, and they must be right. Right?
Well you don’t have to take my word for it any longer. Finally one of your own, none other than Steve Rosen, the former AIPAC official who was caught spying for Israel, has come out and admitted that, far from being a liberal, Obama is a neoconservative, an Israel-firster, an imperialist. In sum, an evil, racist, warmongering piece of slime, just like the rest of you.
As evidence for this, Rosen notes that Obama has “increased the Bush defense budget from $513 billion in fiscal year 2009 to $537 billion for fiscal year 2010 and $549 for 2011.” Rosen comments: “If defense budgets are one of the best indicators of the direction of policy, Obama’s defense budgets mark him as no leftist.”
More evidence that Obama’s no leftist is his “willingness to accept human life costs for national security goals.” In other words, he has no problem murdering brown-skinned people. Rosen writers: “Obama is putting American soldiers at risk in Afghanistan, and he seems to accept that some level of civilian casualties is a regrettable but unavoidable reality if global security objectives are to be achieved. Obama has greatly increased drone strikes against al Qaeda in Pakistan, undeterred by frequent reports of civilian casualties. In December, the president personally issued the order for U.S. airstrikes in Yemen, killing 35 suspected Al Qaeda agents but also, collaterally, dozens of civilians.”
And there’s more...
While conceding that, yes, Obama did win the Nobel Peace Prize, Rosen quickly points out that his acceptance speech “could have been written by a conservative.” Something I lamented at the time.
Regarding Iran, Rosen notes that Obama has made it clear that his days of reaching out to the regime are over. And regarding Israel, he reminds us that Obama accepted Netanyahu’s settlement non-freeze and insistence that, contrary to international law, Israel will continue building settlements in East Jerusalem. And, like a true Likudnik, Obama has made it clear that he’s not going to negotiate with Hamas.
Given all this, Rosen concludes that, not only is Obama not a liberal, but that he never was one. Turns out that Obama “merely postured as a progressive candidate in 2008 to outflank Clinton in the Democratic primaries.” Wow, imagine that.
So there you have it, all you red-state fascists out there. I know some of you might feel disappointed; it is, after all, fun having an enemy. But despair not. There are other people out there you can hate. Last time I checked, there were still many real liberals out there, as well as real conservatives and real libertarians, people who actually have moral values and believe in the Bill of Rights.
But please, for the sake of my own sanity, stop attacking Barack Obama. Welcome him into your hate-filled family. He is you. You are him. Get it straight.